Husband and Wife Funny Qotes, Best Husband and Wife quotes of 2017

Hello everyone! This blog is for people, who are searching over and over for the best and funny quotes on marriage. Your search is over here with excelentcontent.com. Have fun reading the mentioned below funny quotes on marriage:-



1. A man enters a wine store and asks the seller…which brand of whisky would your advice me for my 25th anniversary??
Seller:- Sir, it totally depends on whether you want to celebrate or want to forget!!
Seller Rocks…:P !!

2. No! Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids – eat them!” Hahahah…

3. A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”



4. What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

5. Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.

6. Wife: - I wish I was a newspaper - so I would be in your hands all day long.
    Husband: - I also wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one every day.

7. A husband returns home at night. Opens the door and in front of him his wife is  standing with the frying pan in her hands

Husband: "You better go to sleep, Lucy, I'm not hungry!
                              Too much fun!!

8. Five magic words for a successful marriage: I'm sorry, it's my fault!

9. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

10. “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.




11. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

12. My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

13. Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

14. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

15. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1) whenever you’re wrong, admit it. 2) Whenever you’re right, shut up


16. It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel—they get to know each other better.

17.  A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

18. Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. ROFL

19. Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway…

20. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.



21. Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

22. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

23. All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

24. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

25. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.


Life is too short to be serious….Laugh as much as you can! I hope, these top marriage quotes will bring a smile to your face..:)

Do you have more funny quotes on marriage? Don’t forget to share in the comments section? We will love to read.

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